Monday, November 13, 2017

Sports equality blamed as woman wins World Duvet Wrestling title again



Men have called for an end to sports equality after a woman was crowned World Duvet Wrestling champion for the 33rd year in a row. 


Men are at a genetic disadvantage, claims Muir

As British champion Emma Bradford celebrated her win, a growing chorus of male competitors complained that their gender puts them at a disadvantage. 

The calls were led by Nathan Muir, the most successful man in the competition’s history, having reached the quarter-finals in 2009. He had to retire after suffering frostbite at the European Championships held in Turku, Finland, in February.

Muir lost out to the Finnish junior champion Märrkä Tärrkämakkinen, 17, who won all three rounds of their qualifying tie. She secured her win with a move that leaves the user wrapped in a triple layer of duvet resembling a Swiss roll. “It’s almost impossible to counter the Triple Montreux,” lamented Muir. “I managed to get my little toe into a crevice, but it was like she had steel bands around her. So I lay there freezing till the 6.30 alarm ended the tie.”

Doctors are hopeful Muir will recover some feeling in his lower legs and keep most of his toes, but he has been advised not to compete again.

“I’ve given everything to this sport,” Muir told reporters, “But no man will ever succeed in monopolising a duvet in a straight struggle with a woman.”

With apologies to the Daily Mash

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